An itinerary of injuries is not the standard type of travel blog you will find on the average travel website.
Then again, I am not sure anyone on this planet manages to run into trouble as much as we do in a 2-week period. I guess we are not your average travellers.
I feel it is our duty to share with you, the accidents, the mishaps and unfortunate events that we experienced so that you can better prepare yourselves for your travel adventures.
So here goes.
Ripped trousers right on the arse In Kuala Lumpur

Okay so this isn’t exactly an injury, but emotionally it felt like one when I had to walk back to the hotel through the busy city streets of Kuala Lumpur with my right butt cheek on show. Not cool.
This happened two days in. A facepalm emoji would not be enough for the shame I felt.
How to avoid: Do not sit on splintered benches
Falling out of bed straight onto a plug adapter in Kuala Lumpur
Not my proudest moment. But not a complete surprise either. I mean who can blame me? Jet lagged and ever so slightly drunk on a concoction of cocktails and wine.
It was an accident waiting to happen? Well falling out of bed was but landing on the one and only plug adapter face up was a series of unfortunate events or a case of very bad luck. There was whimpering, slight bleeding and a plug shaped bruise that lasted the remainder of the holiday. Go me.
How to avoid: Do not get drunk. Who am I kidding, that’s a terrible idea… get drunk.. but avoid leaving plug adapters face up right next to your bed
A blood blister on my head after a nasty bang whist in a horse and cart on Gili T

Honestly, you couldn’t make this stuff up. If you are visiting the Gili islands in Lombok off the coast of Bali, be warned! We had three nights booked at Gili T where all motorised travel is banned. The form of transport, yes you guessed it. Horse and cart. A very small horse and cart.
The roads are bumpy and the roof is low, so make sure you hold on to the bar above you and keep your head dipped.
Or like me, you may end up cracking your head and tending to a blood blister for three days. Not fun and not sexy.
How to avoid: Hold on to the bars above you. Keep your head dipped and pay attention. It’s harder to use your mobile phone and stay in one spot on these things than it looks!
I cut my toe on a rusty chair in Gili T
I really have no explanation for this. Ridiculous right and sheer bad luck? That’s me. I am hands down the clumsiest person I know.
I just managed somehow to cut my toe open on the leg of a chair at a café on Gili T. And the end of that chair leg just happened to be rusty.
Steffan ran off to a corner shop to get antibacterial spray and tiger balm which in hindsight I am so grateful for as if it had just been up to me, I probably wouldn’t have bothered. And then lost the injured toe to amputation due to some rabid infection my body couldn’t fight.
How to avoid: Don’t be an idiot

Seasickness of the worst kind on the Gili islands
What can I say, Steffan would make a rubbish pirate?
This isn’t the first time he has suffered extreme seasickness on our travels.
Barcelona and the ‘relaxing’ sunset sail trip we booked which turned into a battle scene out of the Hornblower due to bad weather. Well not quite, but it was choppy.
So, we should have maybe considered this. But we didn’t. And off we went on a 4-hour snorkel excursion into somewhat choppy waters.
Just an hour in, Steffan was seriously struggling and rather than drag out his torment I asked our skipper to turn us around and take us back to shore and straight into the local doctors.
He really did feel very unwell. We purchased some motion sickness tablets, took some advice from the friendly doctor and off we went. We didn’t get back on the boat, but we felt better prepared for the manta ray trip we had booked for Nusa Penida.
How to avoid: If you even slightly suffer from any form of motion sickness get yourself some tablets. It won’t hurt you and it will save you from missing out on swimming with baby turtles. The doctor also advised that drinking any form of fizzy drinks even a day before can aggravate it so avoid the Bintang and cokes!

Sunburnt in Lombok
Okay so this happens to everyone, I guess. Steffan got quite badly burnt in Gili T and he doesn’t usually burn. So, you have been warned. The sun is strong, the breeze is deceivingly cool, and you will need to keep on top of the sun cream situation if you don’t want to be in pain every time you change a t-shirt.
How to avoid: Where a high sun factor sunscreen than you would usually wear and don’t get complacent.
Stung by jellyfish on the Gili Islands and Nusa Penida
Okay so don’t panic too much, we are not talking serious life-threatening stings here. But just enough to cause some anguish and make the whole experience more unpleasant than you had ever imagined.
We have no idea how Steffan managed to get stung so many bloody times by jellyfish every single time he was in the water. He reported three to four stings on our first snorkel trip in Gili T and the same again on our 2nd trip in Nusa Penida.
The only thing we can possibly think of is that I swim far more aggressively than Steffan, and when I say swim, I thrash around a lot. So maybe I managed to thrash them away? Who knows! Either way, he didn’t enjoy the experience.
How to avoid: Our only tip we can give, and this is based on zero knowledge and zero facts is to thrash around more. Well swim. Basically, keep moving and hope for the best.
Bacterial infection in Seminyak

Now for the biggie. I landed myself with a bacterial infection.
Which landed me in an ambulance and then landed me in the hospital. Less than ideal but apparently far more common than we had first realised.
I have travelled a fair amount. Through Cambodia, Thailand, Vietnam to name just a few and I have always been proud of the fact I very rarely get an upset stomach let alone get seriously poorly. But this took me down good and proper.
My fever was out of control and after feeling like I may die for a couple of hours in bed and being pretty out of it, Steffan took some medical advice from some of the doctors in his family and decided to get me to hospital.
As far we could gather, the infection itself isn’t always a major problem but as my body had reacted with a burning fever, that was the risk and the thing most likely to cause me to run into serious problems had it not been bought down.
After a series of blood tests, antibiotics, paracetamol and medication to reduce the acidity in my stomach I was sent back to the villa with a concoction of medication and ordered to rest for a few days.
There were serious stomach cramps, lethargy, dizzy spells, nausea and diarrhoea. Too much information I know but attention is in the detail. I was pleased I recovered almost completely after 2 days rest and managed to enjoy the last few days of our holiday
How to avoid: Do not use tap water to brush your teeth. Some people will say it’s fine. Some will swear it’s the worst possible thing you could ever do. For me, it’s now just not worth the risk. Use bacterial hand sanitiser when you can. These are the 2 things I didn’t do and the only things I can really think of that may have made a difference. But who knows! I even took probiotics with me and remembered to take them. But I still got extremely sick.

Summary
I used to think I was super clumsy and things always happened to me but I am so pleased I have a boyfriend who also seems to be inflicted by ridiculously bad luck (as mean as that sounds). Were in it together, at the very least!